Over the last few months, we have been sending emails out about Tiny to our family and friends. We decided now to post them on this blog as well. That way, this space can become a bit of a time capsule of the story God has written in our lives over the past few months.
Below you will find the first email we sent out to our family and friends when we first got the news that something was amiss with Tiny.
Written October 25, 2015:
Hello to our special loved ones,
By now you have all shared in our excitement that we have been given an incredible miracle of life and you know that a little baby is growing inside of me (who we have affectionately called Tiny)! Although it came as a bit of a surprise, we love this child so much already and are so thankful for all the love and prayers that have surrounded its little life so far.
On Thursday, we went for our 12 weeks ultrasound, and were pretty shocked when the nurse sat us down and with care in her eyes, told us they have some concerns. Our baby's nuchal translucency was measured at over twice what it should be for its stage of development. This is a pocket of fluid that builds up at the back of the neck, usually when something is not quite right with baby's chromosomes, heart, or other developmental problems that have occurred. And overall, its skin is filled with more fluid than normal (it looks puffy), which also concerns them. Combined with my bloodwork, this is usually an indication for some kind of chromosomal issue which can also lead to other problems with baby's organs. We were given a bunch of numbers and a bunch of options for different tests that can tell us with a bit more certainty what is wrong (if anything; there is still the possibility that our baby is doing just fine). Some of the tests are invasive, and increase the likelihood for miscarriage. We'll likely wait until our next ultrasound in 5 weeks and see if the fluid has gone down or continued to build up. At that point, if still recommended, we will likely have a procedure done to tell us with more precision what is wrong (again, if anything). We are hopeful for a miracle that everything will turn out OK, but the numbers have shown that if things continue to look abnormal, there is less than a 15% chance that our baby will survive to term.
Over the next few weeks, there will be lots of waiting, big decisions to make, appointments to go to... Tears to shed, hugs to share, hope to blossom, and love needed. We are so thankful to have an amazing community of people in our lives who love us. Thank you to each of you for the role you continue to play in our lives.
We do, however, want to set a few boundaries in place. We know things like this can be difficult to handle... You might be wondering: What do I say? What can I do? Should I say or do anything? So we thought it would be helpful if we told you exactly what we'd love to see from you as we walk this journey.
1. Please listen. We don't need you tell us about the likelihood that nothing is wrong. Of course we are hoping for that and reminding ourselves of this, constantly. But Dave and I also need to take the time to prepare ourselves for the possibility that this pregnancy will not end how any of us had imagined. Just listening to where we're at is a huge gift you can give us.
2. What we really need is your empathy. What we really don't need is for you to add your own fears to the many we are already carrying ourselves. We know that this will affect each of you in different ways, and because we love you, we wish you didn't have to go through any pain either... We know so many of you are especially thrilled to be a _______ in relation to our baby for the first time, and so we hope you can find your people you can talk to in whatever way you process best. But when you talk with us, please remember that we can only carry so much. We are the ones most significantly affected by this, so we just ask that you keep that in mind as you respond to us with your own emotions.
3. That being said, please don't go away. We promise we'll tell you if we really don't want to talk about it. Otherwise, we've adopted what my Mom & Dad always said to me and Dylan as kids... We can talk about anything. I also promise you won't offend us by bringing it up; we'll feel relieved that you did and we didn't have to pretend everything is okay. And it's okay to ask us questions! If you want more details about what we know and what we're feeling, please ask. It helps us to process, too.
4. Lastly, please pray us through this. We know that your prayers have the power to help carry us in our moments of human weakness and worry. We believe miracles are possible and just want the Lord's will to be done for our little family, whatever that may be. We are grateful he counted us worthy of going through this experience, whether it turns out amazing or terrible. We so appreciate your prayers for us and for our little Tiny.
Specifically right now, you can pray for peace in our hearts as we wait for more news. We have an appointment on Thursday afternoon with a genetics clinic who will give us more information on the specifics of their findings and the next steps to take. We also need prayer for guidance as we make plans... We don't want to stop making plans for Tiny to arrive, but we also know we have to plan for the other possibilities. Finding a proper balance in this confusing time has already been difficult and will likely continue to be.
We know that through this all, God has our best in mind, and so we look forward to what he is going to do in our lives.
Thank you again for being there for us through all of this. We don't expect a response from you, but also want you to know that we're happy to hear from you.
Below you will find the first email we sent out to our family and friends when we first got the news that something was amiss with Tiny.
Written October 25, 2015:
Hello to our special loved ones,
By now you have all shared in our excitement that we have been given an incredible miracle of life and you know that a little baby is growing inside of me (who we have affectionately called Tiny)! Although it came as a bit of a surprise, we love this child so much already and are so thankful for all the love and prayers that have surrounded its little life so far.
On Thursday, we went for our 12 weeks ultrasound, and were pretty shocked when the nurse sat us down and with care in her eyes, told us they have some concerns. Our baby's nuchal translucency was measured at over twice what it should be for its stage of development. This is a pocket of fluid that builds up at the back of the neck, usually when something is not quite right with baby's chromosomes, heart, or other developmental problems that have occurred. And overall, its skin is filled with more fluid than normal (it looks puffy), which also concerns them. Combined with my bloodwork, this is usually an indication for some kind of chromosomal issue which can also lead to other problems with baby's organs. We were given a bunch of numbers and a bunch of options for different tests that can tell us with a bit more certainty what is wrong (if anything; there is still the possibility that our baby is doing just fine). Some of the tests are invasive, and increase the likelihood for miscarriage. We'll likely wait until our next ultrasound in 5 weeks and see if the fluid has gone down or continued to build up. At that point, if still recommended, we will likely have a procedure done to tell us with more precision what is wrong (again, if anything). We are hopeful for a miracle that everything will turn out OK, but the numbers have shown that if things continue to look abnormal, there is less than a 15% chance that our baby will survive to term.
Over the next few weeks, there will be lots of waiting, big decisions to make, appointments to go to... Tears to shed, hugs to share, hope to blossom, and love needed. We are so thankful to have an amazing community of people in our lives who love us. Thank you to each of you for the role you continue to play in our lives.
We do, however, want to set a few boundaries in place. We know things like this can be difficult to handle... You might be wondering: What do I say? What can I do? Should I say or do anything? So we thought it would be helpful if we told you exactly what we'd love to see from you as we walk this journey.
1. Please listen. We don't need you tell us about the likelihood that nothing is wrong. Of course we are hoping for that and reminding ourselves of this, constantly. But Dave and I also need to take the time to prepare ourselves for the possibility that this pregnancy will not end how any of us had imagined. Just listening to where we're at is a huge gift you can give us.
2. What we really need is your empathy. What we really don't need is for you to add your own fears to the many we are already carrying ourselves. We know that this will affect each of you in different ways, and because we love you, we wish you didn't have to go through any pain either... We know so many of you are especially thrilled to be a _______ in relation to our baby for the first time, and so we hope you can find your people you can talk to in whatever way you process best. But when you talk with us, please remember that we can only carry so much. We are the ones most significantly affected by this, so we just ask that you keep that in mind as you respond to us with your own emotions.
3. That being said, please don't go away. We promise we'll tell you if we really don't want to talk about it. Otherwise, we've adopted what my Mom & Dad always said to me and Dylan as kids... We can talk about anything. I also promise you won't offend us by bringing it up; we'll feel relieved that you did and we didn't have to pretend everything is okay. And it's okay to ask us questions! If you want more details about what we know and what we're feeling, please ask. It helps us to process, too.
4. Lastly, please pray us through this. We know that your prayers have the power to help carry us in our moments of human weakness and worry. We believe miracles are possible and just want the Lord's will to be done for our little family, whatever that may be. We are grateful he counted us worthy of going through this experience, whether it turns out amazing or terrible. We so appreciate your prayers for us and for our little Tiny.
Specifically right now, you can pray for peace in our hearts as we wait for more news. We have an appointment on Thursday afternoon with a genetics clinic who will give us more information on the specifics of their findings and the next steps to take. We also need prayer for guidance as we make plans... We don't want to stop making plans for Tiny to arrive, but we also know we have to plan for the other possibilities. Finding a proper balance in this confusing time has already been difficult and will likely continue to be.
We know that through this all, God has our best in mind, and so we look forward to what he is going to do in our lives.
Thank you again for being there for us through all of this. We don't expect a response from you, but also want you to know that we're happy to hear from you.
Big love to you all,
Katelynn & David
Katelynn & David
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